It’s “hopeless wish list” day

If I had my way…

• Being the smartest person in the room wouldn’t be a political liability.
• I would be able to convince some high school graduating class, somewhere, to make “Woo Hoo” by The 5,6,7,8’s their graduation song. Imagine a hundred teenagers bouncing up and down, going “Woo hoo, ooh hoo hoo, woo hoo, ooh hoo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo, woo hoo, ooh hoo hoo” in unison with a decent backup band.  Tell me that wouldn’t be the most awesome thing ever.
• The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences would realize collectively that L.A. Confidential should have won over Titanic and that Goodfellas should have won over Dances With Wolves, and correct both errors retroactively.
• I might feel the same way about Black Swan vs. The King’s Speech except I haven’t seen the latter yet.  Hold this thought.
• Two-and-a-Half Men would be replaced on the schedule with a new Charlie Sheen interview each week, with the commercial profits going to all of the crew who are now out of a job because he was stupid enough to mix a coke habit with pre-existing delusions of grandeur.
• Cameras would stop making a point of showing Morgan Freeman whenever a black person is onstage getting an award.
• 3-D films would cease to exist.
• so would Shia LeBeouf.
• and Adam Sandler.
• All sitcoms that use laugh tracks or sweeten their live studio audience laughter in any way would be canceled.
• Firefly would exist again.
• So would Terriers.
• Everyone who wish-listed Immortal on Goodreads would have bought a copy already.
• About a thousand more people would wish-list Immortal on Goodreads.
• Twenty-four hour news networks would stop redefining their definition of news in order to fill the 24 hours.
• They would also report that something’s untrue when it happens to be untrue.
• Everyone would realize there’s no such thing as reality television; just creative editing.
• Someone would have optioned my prize-winning feature screenplay by now.
• Professional athletes, when not actually playing their sport of choice, would go away.

and finally…

• We would already be at the point where we could say, “Wow, remember that Glenn Beck guy? What a nut. I wonder whatever happened to him?”

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