The Urban Biker's Checklist

You know you’ve been bicycling in the city for a while if…

…you know not to take a sharp turn across a manhole cover in the rain

…you can’t name most of the streets you travel on but you can describe the light cycle patterns of every intersection in great detail

…you’d consider a horror movie that began with the driver’s side door of a parked car flying open the absolute scariest way to start a movie

…you can name every part on your bike that has ever stopped working

…another bike passes you while you’re stopped for a pedestrian and you make it your life’s work to hunt down and pass that biker

…you’ve learned the hard way that the only way to cross embedded trolley tracks is at a ninety degree angle or not at all

…you’ve biked more than three miles while bleeding

…you know at least a quarter of the street lights in the city only turn green if a car is waiting for them

…you have ever ridden straight to the bike repair shop with something sharp in your tire, knowing it won’t go flat until you pull the sharp thing out

…you’re more concerned with the puddle in front of you than with the car on your left

…you’ve ever said, “yes I went over the handlebars but it was no big deal” and meant it

…a part of you really wants to see that guy on the bike going the wrong way without a helmet get hit by a car

…you stopped caring how you look in really tight clothing a very long time ago

…you don’t mind being passed by another bike as long as they look like they race professionally. ¬†Otherwise, it’s on

…you know that the most important part of the weather report is the wind speed

…you know exactly what a chamois is

…there are very few things you find more satisfying than passing the car that gunned its engine to get by you a few blocks earlier

…you’re seriously considering breaking the rear window of the next Mini Cooper that tries to use your bike lane as a driving lane

And finally…

…you love listening to other people complain about how long they were stuck in traffic.

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No Comments

  1. Donna Doucette on October 21, 2011 at 11:13 am

    Funny. And what happens if you make a sharp turn on a manhole cover? Can’t figure that one out.

    • genedoucette on October 21, 2011 at 11:20 am

      the road still has a grip to it in the rain, but the metal surface of a manhole cover doesn’t.

  2. adventuretraveling on October 21, 2011 at 11:46 pm

    …you can’t remember the last time you fully stopped at a stop sign.

    • genedoucette on October 22, 2011 at 8:31 am

      That fits perfectly. Should have thought of it.

  3. Joe Iriarte on October 22, 2011 at 6:05 pm

    Heh. My commute is so tame compared to this!

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